Clowns

‘Hello, Muse! I’ve got a bit of a problem! I’m trying to write an article about clowns for my blog.’

‘That shouldn’t be too difficult! I mean, the clown has been around since the time of Ancient Greece and Rome.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes! In those days they were secondary figures in plays and parodied the actions of the more serious characters. Mind you, sometimes their comedy was extremely savage. It is said that more than one Christian died at the hands of a clown.’

‘What! Oh yeah! I can hear the crowds in the Coliseum shouting, “Throw them to the clowns! Throw them to the clowns!” I bet a lot of Christians died laughing!’

‘Mmm, I don’t think so, somehow! In Roman times, more often than not, the clown was the target for all the tricks and abuse of his fellow actors.’

‘So, were they called “clowns” in those days?’

‘No. the word “clown” is German and means “country dweller” or “peasant”.’

‘Oh! Something like a country bumpkin, a Devonshire dumpling? A village idiot, perhaps?’

‘You’ve got the right idea! They were the buffoons or the Vice character in the mystery or miracle plays of the Middle Ages, pranksters who could deceive even the Devil. They wore caps and bells, brightly coloured costumes and sometimes had donkey’s ears sewn into the top of their hats.’

‘Ah! Like Bottom in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.’

‘That’s right! Among the first professional stage clowns in England were William Kempe and Robert Armin who were leading members of William Shakespeare’s company of travelling players. Did you know that William Kempe once performed a nine-day Morris dance from London to Norwich?’

‘No! Good heavens! Some people would do anything to win one of Delia Smith’s early cookery books. You know, I can’t think of the names of any famous clowns.’

‘Come on! You’ve probably heard of Joseph Grimaldi. He was one of the earliest true circus clowns in this country and first performed in one of his father’s shows as a little clown when he was barely two years old. “Joey” Grimaldi became the greatest and best-loved performers in the history of British pantomime. Slapstick routines devised by him are known as “Joey-Joeys” and are still used today.’

‘Yes, I have heard of him. Thanks for reminding me.’

‘Then there was Grock (or Adrien Wettach) who was a famous white-faced clown, and Emmett Kelly, who was an American character clown.

‘I’ve never heard of them!’

‘And then, in more recent times there was Nicolai Poliakoff…’

‘Who?’

‘Come on! You remember him! He used to work for Bertram Mills Circus during the 1960s.’

‘I remember watching Bertram Mills Circus when I was a kid. But I don’t remember Nicolai Polia… whatsit.’

‘Coco the Clown?’

‘Now! I remember him!’

‘That was Nicolai Poliakoff.’

‘Oh! Why didn’t you say so?’

“Strictly speaking, Coco was an “auguste” clown.’

‘I know he was august! He was a awarded a medal by the Queen for his road-safety work.’

‘No! No! an “augoost”!

‘A what?’

‘An auguste. You see, there are three types of clown. There is the white-faced clown, who plays the straight man in the comedy routines. The auguste plays the funny man who messes up the tricks, causes general mayhem and who delivers the punch-line or “blow-off” at the expense of his white-faced partner.’

‘Oh! And the third type?’

‘The third type of clown is the character clown, who dresses as a tramp, a policeman, a woman or a baby.’

‘Well, I never, Muse, you’re a mine of information.’

‘That’s what muses are for!’

‘Ah! But can you make me laugh? I fancy a bit of a-muse-ment!’

‘Unfortunately, I don’t know any clown jokes, but I suppose I could always find some…’

Running a Marathon? No Sweat!

A magazine containing an entry form for next year’s London Marathon recently dropped through my letterbox. It reminded me that we are rapidly approaching the marathon season. Most marathons are held either in the autumn – like the one held in New York each year – or in the spring – like the London Marathon. Perhaps the though of running just over 26 miles brings you out in a cold sweat or perhaps you are faced with a marathon of a different order like trying to lose weight or recover from a serious illness. Perhaps you just want to be fit enough to play football with your grandchildren.

Run for fun

The road to fitness starts with the first step. But it’s important to make sure that whatever route you take is enjoyable. If it’s not enjoyable, if it’s never any fun, you’ll soon give up. I was introduced to the phrase ‘run for fun’ in the 1970s, long before the running craze appeared in Britain, but it had already made its mark in the United States and to me it was an entirely new but attractive concept. As a keen athlete I was familiar with the phrase ‘no pain, no gain’ but being a little lazy at heart the idea that you could get really fit simply by ‘jogging’ appealed to me a great deal and I still follow this principle more than thirty years on and in the summer evenings and at weekends I see dozens of people of all ages ‘jogging’ around the streets, in the woods or along the canal either following their own fitness regime or simply because they enjoy it.

How do I get started?

Many people resolve to start running after watching the London Marathon on television but I would guess that a great many of them give up the moment they realize that it isn’t as easy as it seems. Some people find running on their own either boring, embarrassing or even frightening and most people either run too fast or too far.

The answer is to find a training partner. Persuade your spouse, your partner or your best friend (or any friend) to go out jogging with you. If all else fails, buy a dog! Start with some gentle exercise. Walk before you start running. Chat with your training partner while you exercise – if you are too breathless to talk you are either working too hard or running too fast. The aim, to start with, is to do just enough exercise to build up a sweat. Just walk or jog for a short distance – perhaps just around the block – two or three times a week and gradually build up the distance as your fitness improves but make it enjoyable, and don’t get too tired. Set a reachable target and turn your regular jogging session with your training partner into a playful game, but don’t make it too serious! Just build up a sweat and ease off until the next session.

I’ll finish this section with a cautionary tale. A few years ago, while out running, I met a middle-aged man who had entered the London Marathon for the first time and who was running for a charity. He hadn’t done any regular exercise since leaving school 25 years earlier but in his first training session for the marathon he tried to run 13 miles!! It nearly killed him and it put him off running for weeks if not months.

What do I wear?

What you wear is entirely up to you. I suggest you wear something that is old and comfortable but something that you don’t mind getting wet and sticky with all the sweat you are hoping to produce. Some people visit their local sports shop and buy an expensive new outfit because they think that it will motivate them to go out and use it – and look good in the process. However, quite often these are the very people who are the first to give up once they realize that their new gear is very soon going to get smelly and will have to be washed quite frequently. And, while their kit is in the wash … what else are they going to wear?

Fleeces are good for wearing in cold and wet weather. They allow your sweat to evaporate but keep out the rain which means that you stay warm, dry and relatively comfortable in even the foulest of weather. Don’t touch plastic anoraks! They keep the sweat close to the body and you end up wetter and colder inside the garment than it is outside. Cotton t-shirts have the same problem. They retain the sweat you have produced, which keeps you cool if it is warm and sunny but absolutely freezing when it is cold, wet and windy.

What you wear on your feet when you go jogging is very important. Running causes a lot of stress on a pair of shoes (and your legs), so don’t be tempted to wear the sort of cheap trainers you can buy from an ordinary shoe shop. They won’t last for more than a few weeks and you could injure yourself as they wear out. Treat yourself to a pair of specialist running shoes from a sports shop as these should last for at least 500 miles of use and although they may seem rather expensive to buy they will be a very good investment. Make sure you ask for advice, if possible, from the sales staff, because each person has their own style of running and different sorts of training shoes are made to cater for this fact.

Join a running club

Eventually you may feel confident enough to want to join a running club and perhaps enter a few races. If you do go training with a club, don’t be tempted to try and keep up with the leading group. Start off slowly, run at a comfortable pace and don’t go much further than the distance you usually do when running by yourself. Most clubs have a beginners’ group or ’slow’ group and should make sure that somebody always accompanies the slowest runner. For women, in Devon, there is the Women’s Running Network, which is based at the Ironbridge Runner in Exeter but which organizes women-only training groups right across the county. Running clubs are marvellous places to obtain advice, make friends and get motivated. By running in a group you won’t feel so vulnerable when faced with noisy teenagers, barking dogs or potential muggers.

Enter a race

Your first race should be a short one. There are plenty to choose from and you will enjoy it even more if you go with a group of friends from your running club, and perhaps share the travel costs. Finding out where the races are being held is as easy as visiting your local newsagent and buying a copy of Runner’s World or Running Fitness or popping into your local sports shop and obtaining a copy of Rundown Events or picking up an entry form for a local race from the sales counter. If you have access to the Internet, then you can even enter races online. Most races nowadays give every finisher a memento, either a medal, a t-shirt, a drinks bottle, a mug or even a whole bag of goodies provided by the sponsors.

One day you may wish to run in a marathon. If so, you could be joining the 100,000 hopefuls who apply each year for the 32,000 places in the London Marathon. Unless you are prepared to pay at least £1,000 to one of the charities who ’sell’ places to runners you can never be guaranteed an entry in this event. The good news is that there are plenty of other marathons and half-marathons across the country that are far easier to enter. For most people the marathon is seen as the ultimate challenge but there are some who seek even harder challenges, such as running from London to Brighton, from Lands End to John O’Groats or even from west to east across the United States of America.

Whatever you choose to do, the thought of running in a marathon will no longer bring you out in a cold sweat. It will probably be more a case of ‘Run a marathon? No sweat!’