I’d like to thank my friend Briar Singleton (and her friend Claire Bloom) for passing on these tips on how to beat the credit crunch.
DON’T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
SAVE money on expensive personalized car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate: Mr KVL 741Y.
DON’T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the object you want to look at.
AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner’s helmet.
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.
SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing-up liquid and banging your head repeatedly against the wall.
SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.
CAN’T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of cling film and press them against your eyes.
WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.
MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto! Toffee.
MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.
SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed!
