My friend Briar Singleton has recently shared with me the following symptoms of Swine Flu:
Look out for any unusual blemishes or rashers.
Unusual behaviour: Doing things you would normally find a complete boar.
Bad temper: Things start to easily rind you up.
High temperature: Feeling that you are absolutely bacon hot.
Chills: Feeling like you need to hog the duvet or curl up in front of a crackling fire.
Developing a sty in either or both eyes.
Urgent cravings: For a large glass of swine or stuffing yourself on apples.
Wanting to fight: Shouting things like “Gammon, have a go if you think you’re hard enough”.
Having trouble with the truth: You’re always telling porky pies.
If any of these symptoms show, then immediately call a hambulance, and go to the hogspital for treatment. Smokers please note it is a non-smoking facility, so you won’t be able to have a snout. If it’s a false alarm, you can trotter off home, but if the symptoms return, you may need to go to your local farmacy for some oinkment.
Another treatment for Swine Flu: Spend the night in a smoky room and in the morning you will be cured.
FIFA has banned Mexican Waves at soccer matches to prevent the spread of infection.
With all the information we are receiving about Swine Flu from the media and the government, there is no danger of us being pig-ignorant about it!
