Jeremy’s Log, Here!

May 6, 2009

Can Windows Error Messages Be This Poetic?

Filed under: Poetry, Words and language — Jeremy @ 7:24 pm
Tags: , , ,

In Japan, the impersonal and unhelpful error messages from Microsoft have been replaced by traditional haiku poetry:

The web site you seek
cannot be located, but
countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Windows XP crashed.
I am the blue screen of death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful
but now it is gone.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Three things are certain.
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
but we never will.

Having been erased,
the document you’re seeking
must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

May 5, 2009

The Backup Song

Filed under: Funnies, Music, Poetry — Jeremy @ 8:50 pm
Tags: ,

A few months ago, in a blog post titled “To Buy or Not to Buy” my friend Vanessa Cobb bewailed the fact that her computer had been playing up so much that she had been forced to think about getting a new one. She did so through the eyes of Hamlet. If she had left it too late, and the hard drive had failed before she had backed up her files, she might have thought of this song.

Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
There’s not half the files there used to be,
And there’s a millstone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.

Now all my data’s gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

February 26, 2009

Two Cures for Writer’s Block

Filed under: Blogging, Books, Copywriting, Poetry, Short stories, Words and language — Jeremy @ 4:50 pm
Tags:

Over the last few weeks I’ve been struggling to find the enthusiasm and energy to write anything for this blog, but in my efforts to overcome this problem I’ve come across two potential cures for what bedevils most authors from time to time, namely, writer’s block.

The first is Wordlube, an interactive e-book by Tom Evans (aka the Bookwright) in which he claims that you can remove writer’s block in five days or less. In this book Tom recommends the use of meditation and mind-mapping techniques to clear away any obstructions that are preventing you from putting pen to writing pad or keyboard to screen. The e-book is designed to be read very quickly and it is recommended that first you should go through the whole book in one sitting to get a feel for the principles and exercises that are contained in it.

However, these exercises are meant to be completed over a period of five days and are claimed to have a cumulative effect, so by the end of the fifth day you should be thinking and working differently if you follow all of them as prescribed. Most of the exercises only take about 30 minutes each to complete, with the final one only taking you a maximum of 45 minutes.

So, after about three hours of work spread over less than a week your creative juices should be flowing in abundance. If not, then I suggest you tell Tom Evans because I’m sure he would appreciate your feedback. In fact, he encourages it.

Wordlube includes several embedded videos and audio clips, together with a weblink to Tony Buzan’s mind-mapping website so that you can download a trial version of the software used by Tom Evans to create the mind maps featured in the exercises.

The second cure, called Coffee Break, can be found on the Webook website. It is an interactive project that aims to provide a friendly and supportive environment where writers can try out new ideas and techniques, and refresh any skills that they may have but not use often enough. The project is led by a close friend of mine, Vanessa Cobb, whose pen name is Winterjazz.

The rules of the project are simple. You choose any one of fourteen exercises, follow the instructions and start writing. The exercises cover such topics as “Developing Characters”, “Creating Settings”, “Engaging Dialogue”, “Story Ideas” and “Imagery”. Vanessa invites users to suggest topics that they would like help with, and several new topics have been added since the project began.

Coffee Break provides you with plenty of great ideas that help you think about what you are writing and is something that is probably best used when you are trying to improve your writing skills but don’t know how, whereas Wordlube is probably best if you are struggling even to find a decent idea to start with. Each has its place in the writer’s toolbox and both of them are completely free to use. So, take your pick and give them a go!

July 15, 2007

A Sceptic’s First Glance (at the Baha’i Faith)

Filed under: Baha'i, Poetry — Jeremy @ 3:25 pm

Did I hear you talk of your grave?
No fear of death! Are you really so brave?
Why don’t you cry when I offer you pain?
Your loving smiles must prove you’re insane!

I am my own God, my very own Lord,
I won’t chant with the passionate horde.
What do you mean? I don’t need eyes to see!
What do you mean? Do I have faith in me?

So you want us all to be the same!
It won’t ever happen, ain’t that a shame!
And now you say the bigots will turn with the years,
I say: Your dreams will drown in your tears!

Come on now, you’ve got to agree,
God’s dead, you ape, climb down from your tree,
You understand me, so why do you smile?
Why should I sit with you and listen for a while?

Where’s the point in trying to love one and all?
For all your troubles you are fed just gall!
How can you care for those that wish you ill?
How can you die and not wish to kill?

How does your faith bring you such calm,
When you’re surrounded by that which brings harm?
Don’t the scientists and ‘modern’ people say,
Religion died in…………yesterday?

So what is the essence that burns in your heart?
Whence came your love and when did it start?
How can you be so sure of your belief?
Tell me, for life can be so brief.

(Most of this poem was written, but left unfinished, by an unknown visitor to a Baha’i teaching project in Shrewsbury, where I found it while tidying up on the final day. I was so taken with it that I took it home and completed the final verse.)

Blog at WordPress.com.