Enjoy These Typos Made by Medical Secretaries

I would like to thank Imogen Olsen, a fellow member of SfEP, for drawing my attention to these typos made by medical secretaries in the NHS Greater Glasgow area.

• The patient has no previous history of suicides.
• Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
• Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
  40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
• She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
  very hot in bed last night.
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
  disappeared.
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
  depressed.
• The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
• Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert, but
  forgetful.
• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
• She is numb from her toes down.
• While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
• The skin was moist and dry.
• Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
• Patient was alert and unresponsive.
• Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.
• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
  she got a divorce.
• I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical
  therapy.
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
• Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
• Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
• The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
• Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his plane
  ran out of fuel and crashed.
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
  directions in early December.
• Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Smith, who felt we should sit
  on the abdomen and I agree.
• The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
  stockbroker instead.
• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
  feeling better.